That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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