OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
