You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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