I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
