Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I need a burrito and a hug.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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