I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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