New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
