I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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