Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
