I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
