This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
