On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
