the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
