I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
