she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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