He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
