Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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