i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
