thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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