his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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