I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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