DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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