Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
