I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
