eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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