So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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