I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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