You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
