Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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