god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
