he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
