I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
