So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize