She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
