so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
