I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
