Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
