don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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