Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
