saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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