I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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