last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
