Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I have fence marks all over my body
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
