The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
