i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
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