It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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