I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
