I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
