I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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