All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
