Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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