I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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