So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
