the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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