You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
