do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
