I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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