6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize