I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
