you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
