Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
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