i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
