And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
