OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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