so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
