Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
