My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Randomize