Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
