I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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