I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
