we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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