And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You ruined the universe
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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