White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
