: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
