I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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