didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
