Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize