The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
so much tequila, so little girl.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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