brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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