Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize