I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
