I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
