That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
they're like a gay fantastic four
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
