but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
