This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
