you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
