Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
