i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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