i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
