I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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