Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
