can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize