dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
