it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
