he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
