Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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