i'm signing you up for texting rehab
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
our cab driver is having phone sex.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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