I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
