When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Randomize
