How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
