You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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