mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
