Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
